I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
