I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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