I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
