we have pet lesbian snakes
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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