He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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