well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize