having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
