His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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