He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
