It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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