Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
