Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
