wrigley field is MILF paradise
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
