You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
