dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
