This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
