this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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