Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
