She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
