Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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