I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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