finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
