Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
