So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
