Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That accounts for only three of the penises
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
