the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's the barista slut.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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