alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
