you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
