A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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