Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
