look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize