Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
how drunk are you?
Several
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
