He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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