my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
