so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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