Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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