You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
