Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
