I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
