I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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