Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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