you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
