My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
