come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize