Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
