At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Randomize
