she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
