is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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