Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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