Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
