drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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