I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
