Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
