His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
