Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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