swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
