One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
