trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
