don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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