found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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