Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
