I just saw a hot homeless man
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
