I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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