Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
