can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
