Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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