so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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