omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
