Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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